That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
