Umm I'm too high to move.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
