Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
