So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
