I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
