there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
