wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
