I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize