I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
