I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Randomize