Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
