We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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