possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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