Well douche your snatch and let's go!
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
