You smell like stripper and shame
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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