is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
