how hairy? two words: wookie tits
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
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