my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Of course I have a pirate flag
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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