I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
