she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
