Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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