my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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