I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
