party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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