What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
