I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
