you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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