LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize