i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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