it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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