i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
