I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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