is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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