Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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