miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
