Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
