I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You're a waste of cheezeits
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
