He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
