just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
