Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
