Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
