I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
