I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
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