shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
