Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
worst night to have a conscience
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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