Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
