stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Hippo gnu deer
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
