last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
