I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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