rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
