She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just had sex on a roof
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
