I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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