i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
