piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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