When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
