mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
