TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
