Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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