I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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