i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
