Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
