Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
