Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
