I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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