Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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