We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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