Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
