I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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