you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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