I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
