she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Slut skills are useful in every country.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
