Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
