How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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