Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
