I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
