I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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