girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
