he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
