Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I supernannyed him into submission
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
