shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
