i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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