I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
