Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
