I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
