I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
