are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
