i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
