Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
