you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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