Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
