Kareoke will never be a sober sport
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
