she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
