You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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