which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
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