Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
