seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
