any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
