We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
